she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
