I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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