You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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