no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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