I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
