Got a toothbrush?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
