My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Dick very happy bro
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
