u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
