I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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