I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
