I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
