I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
