So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
high people should be assigned attendants
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
