i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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