It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
