I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
