Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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