He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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