I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
