Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You can't just leave with hair like that
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
