Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
