i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
