he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
