Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
