Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
