No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
