I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
