You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
