Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
