is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Randomize
