Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
