What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
