I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
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