YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize