my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
they're like a gay fantastic four
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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