sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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