Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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