You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
