it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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