how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
