Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
