Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
