I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
