I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize