he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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