Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
