Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm having to shit out rocks
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
