the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
