I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
