i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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