You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Randomize
