its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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