11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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