I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize