i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
