my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Hippo gnu deer
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
