Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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