The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
