You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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