Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
