I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
