This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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