I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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