i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
