You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
