Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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