i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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